Here's the original comic, and the lines are as follows:
CCC: I'm not sure what it is, but it's been subpoenaed as a witness in the SCO case.
drachefly: Whew. I thought you were about to use up clock cycles on my Progress Quest box.
Durandal: Or step on it, or look at it, or sneeze near it, or... you really just need to stay away from it, OK?
kitoba: I think it's on the verge of developing sentience!
Stan Cold: Of course I wouldn't touch it! We haven't even dated yet!
inspy: It's a fascinating and previously undiscovered life form ... or last month's lasagna. I can't remember ...
Jorodryn: It has my lunch and I haven't figure out how to get it back yet.
Steave: It's either the faulty coolant chamber that's been giving me grief or ... my lunch from last Thursday.
Actual line: I don't know what it is, but it pays half the rent.
It has my lunch and I haven't figured out how to get it back yet.
Or step on it, or look at it, or sneeze near it, or... you really just need to stay away from it, OK?
I don't know what it is, but it pays half the rent.