Before I get started - Steave, did future-you bite past-you, creating an acausal vampire loop?

~~~~

"Yes, ma'am. I'm aware of that. ... I was turned into a cow, too. ... No, just cows. ... I'm sure the others are aware of it as well. If anyone wasn't transformed, I'm sure it would make the newspapers. Thank you."

~~~~

An athletic contest, chewing gum, and epistemology

(OOG - Travelling to the future I found I had disappeared/died. Returning to the present with this news I went of a bender to try to deal with this information. Being drunk to this point left me open to vampire attack and caused me to have temporary memory loss. Not remembering anything much of the night before I, as a newly made vampire, opened the curtains to greet the morning sun with the expected consequences. Consequences which, when my past self learned of them, caused me to go on the bender.)

OOG, several of these look like they could be extended into full stories. I'd like to see the results. Definitely not going to try right now since I'm using my phone to browse.

An athletic contest, chewing gum, and epistemology

Randolph had finally realized his dream. Who knew that after completing his dissertation based on his belief that all knowledge is fleeting and that anything we think we know may be in error and quoting everyone from Socrates to Jon Bon Jovi, that his finest moment in over7 years of college was winning the Interhouse-All Drinking-All Naked-Chewing Gum and Walking at the Same Time Contest. A tightrope had never been so much fun.


OOG- Sorry- my daughter has the show GREEK on the TV.


A tomato, a tornado, and a total darkness

>n

You are on a east-west quiet road. There is a tomato here.

>e

In the distance you see ominous storm clouds. There is a tornado approaching from the east. The only available shelter is a small cave to the south.

>s

It is completely dark here. You are likely to be -- aw heck, you know the rest.


television, telekinesis and Telly Savalas

"Alright Joe, what do you want me ov- s***, what happened here?!"
"Well, Mary, it appears the assailant somehow managed to fling the television set at the vics head. However, I did not gather any prints from the TV. Peculiar..."
"Way to go, Kojak, but you're not even a cop! How'd you get in here?"
"No sign of forced entry..."
"The doors kicked in!"
"Oh, I did that one. Anyway, Mary, it seems we're in for quite the tricky one here."
"Wait, you're dragging me into this? You called me over to some stranger's address and I find you analyzing a crime scene without-"
"Hey, wanna grab some dinner tonight?"
"...What?"
"I can drive. We'll need to drop your car off somewhere else though. Cops'll find that strange. Speaking of which, we better get moving. They won't like seeing two civilians at a crime scene. That a yes on dinner?"
"Uh..."
"Great! I'll pick you up at your place at seven. Can't wait. See ya then."

Joe quickly but confidently strode out of the house, into his car and drove off. Mary, being left in a stranger's home with a dead body, a broken television set and the faint yet growing sounds of sirens, briskly ran to her car. She drove home and got ready for her date.

~~~~~~~
ALMOST FORGOT!
A cat, a cake and a plot twist.

Tabitha stalked across the back yard, her feline senses alert for any sign of prey. And she meant prey. She was starving, and the pathetic offerings the hairless apes had given her before could only be called food in the loosest sense of the term. Real food was warm. Real food wriggled.

Finding nothing of interest, she slunk into the house and looked around. Suddenly, she caught a whiff of something she'd never smelled before. Following the scent, she padded into the dining room and climbed up on the table. There it lay, a round, curiously sweet-smelling thing. It wasn't prey, that was certain, but it was intriguing enough to give it a try anyway. Tabitha gave it a lick, and found it very much to her liking. She had only taken a mouthful when suddenly she heard something moving. She turned just in time to see a pair of eyes peeping at her from around a corner before whatever they belonged to scurried away.

Prey.

- - -

"Welcome back to Channel 5 News. As we reported yesterday, Tabitha the Bengal tiger escaped from the Springville Zoo and disappeared into the nearby woods. Today she was found inside a house four blocks away from the zoo, where she had killed the elderly woman who lived there. Tabitha was captured by zoo animal handlers and returned to her cage. The woman's name has not been released pending notification of her family."

= = =

New prompt: a giant laser, a bungee cord, desperation

No, this is the last time Bond!

Three lairs destroyed, countless minions killed... And James Bond has the audacity to bungee back into his new lair? His new lair with the expertly stolen mining laser planned for use against the UN? If Bond managed to take down this lair, there'd be nothing left. This was the last batle. Blofeld couldn't let this end this way again.

For once, Blofeld decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed the laser from his minion as Bond finished tying the cord to his feet. Aimed it at the dam, just under where bond was standing. Bond Leapt. Blofeld Fired. The Dam Exploded.

Bond Survived. The Base didn't.

Moisturiser, a Degree, and Jubilation

I looked at what I had written:
"6061-T6, so far as I can see, is making use of those elements in the air which give direction and jubilation to .15 to .04 % copper and .7% iron. Only the alloy elements seem to be extracting from life some satisfactory measure of what they are putting into it. The heat treatment demands violence, but we are getting only abortive explosions. Revolutions are nipped in the annealing furnace or else succeed too quickly. Moisturizer is quickly exhausted. Men fall back on ideas, comme d'habitude." *
I knew it was a mistake to want a dual degree in Metallurgy and Modern Literature, no matter how cool the alliteration sounded...


a '32 Ford, the setting sun and mustard.







* extra points if you can guess the source material here!

Billy Bob and Jesse Ted, redneck bank robbers extraordinaire, ride off into the sunset in their '32 Ford, discussing what they'll do with their new found wealth. Billy Bob ends the last scene of the movie thusly:

"Hey, Jess, what the heck is this Grey Poupon mustard I heard them rich folks like so much? I don't think I've ever 'et anythin' that was grey and tasted any good 'tall."

A cat litter box, a television, and an joke becoming an ironic foreshadowing of doom.

"Wouldn't it be funny," I pondered as I attached the new mega screen to my wall "if we were crushed to death by this falling on us. A sad commentary on modern life?"

Unfortunately he tripped on the cat litter box and fell out the window. It was ironic because it was a doom, but not the one we had jokingly expected.

[sorry that was so weak!]

a knife, a cup and global warming conspiracy theories

"You see, Dave - do you mind if I call you Dave?" Morris waved the knife idly.

"Umm, okay.", said Persephone, wondering if it was safe to edge towards the door yet.

"You see, the world's like this here paper cup. When the water gets warm, the wax comes off and the water gets all waxy." Morris paused. "And who wants there to be wax in all the water?"

"No one?"

"Follow the money!" the knife waved closer. It wasn't really a weapon at this point, a mere rhetorical indicator, but it was still scary enough.

"The water company?"

"No, they're the ones stuck with the waxy water. Who gets it from the source? Where water really comes from."

Persephone shrugged as best she could with every muscle in her body tensed up.

"Poland!"

"Like, with the spring?"

"Yes! They're manipulating the oil market, keeping prices low! And the lasers for the sunspots, AND they leaked the climate emails." He slammed the knife flat down on the table, letting go of it.

And that was far enough. Persephone bolted for the door. Morris made no effort to pursue.


~~~~

A large crane, a marble, and holism

Robins shut off the camcorder and began to pack it away in its case. As he walked towards the back of the room, where the case lay, he stepped on one of the marbles that had scattered across the room. His feet flew out from underneath him and he crashed to the ground unceremoniously.
“Of all the...” He yelled, “what else can go wrong! Is the camera broken! Not that it matters! All it recorded was an abysmal failure.”
Pain jolted down his left arm as he stood back up. Leaving the camera where it lay, he advanced towards the large cardboard Origami Crane. Letting loose an primordial grunt of frustration, he began tearing it apart. He then knocked down the elaborate Erector Set arranged all around the room, careful to not step on any more marbles. He kicked, pushed, basically demolished the Rube Goldberg Machine.
Destruction complete, he wandered to the only door to the room then left, not bothering to clean anything up.
Mary, Robins' niece, crept into the room.
“Whoa, look at this mess!” Gingerly walking over to the camcorder, “Hey, its on.” Stopping the recording, Mary then pulled out the memory card.
“This outta do good on Youtube! Uncle George was right, 'the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.' He just didn't have a big enough picture.”

- A walrus, Modern Pop Music, and a twist ending.

Throbbing beat just the same as it ever was, wise house DJ has the dumb-ass flavor du jour vocals eq'd down into what's important, the primal jungle communication of Mazlow's lowest tier.
The grunion-ritual energetic grinding in the center gradually fades to my own walrus-like immobility at the periphery, barstool/human symbiosis. Noise, light, pheromones and a glass that’s out of gin.
I lift it slightly at the bartender. Sapphire. Tonic. Rocks. And, a…twist.












zeitgeist, rubber bands and shadows