I think we should just make a list of players and go in order (as new players join, they get added at the end of the list) -- this way everyone gets a turn.

I think that inspiration is punishing me for being the last person to make a guess.

I've gotten two entries so far. I'm enjoying seeing what people think these two books should sound like.

I really need to get around to finishing one of my novels, because that is a horrible opening, and if that can get published, surely I can.

I won't claim the book is for everyone (though it is one of my favorites) but the place I cut the opening definitely makes it sound doofier than it is. The woman telling the story is scared, and tired, and frustrated, and has thought about this way too many times from way too many angles, and I think the author just nails that voice:

Or you could try your hand at openings and PM me an entry for Bookerdash!

C'mon people, where are those entries?

Just sent mine.

Please tell me that there was a TV movie version of this on Lifetime.

Here are the entries. To make this harder, I've mixed them altogether. Please pick one for S&B and one for D, and specify which you think is which.

I'm also going to let people who didn't submit entries guess if they want. They can't win the round, but their guesses will count for the players if they guess wrong.


1. I first met Bruno in the back garden - over there, just next to the fountain. He was seated on a dead mouse, frowning slightly, and looking into the distance.

2. "This is such an intriguing place, but where the Hell is my shoe!"

3. One thing was quite certain: that neither of the two enormous children now quarreling in his drawing-room were known to Mr. Perdiem. "We mustn't keep him waiting, dear brother!" exclaimed the girl. "I fear that his patience is growing short, and if it grows much shorter, why he might disappear entirely!"

4. "Nonsense," replied the boy contemptuously, "for while his patience grows ever the shorter, his ire necessarily grows larger, and thus his temper is neither diminished nor increased."

5. to wound the autumnal city. So howled out for the world to give him a name. The in-dark answered with wind.

6. The Hedgehog palooped along the lonely sidewalk.

7. The wind came out of the West, keening like a woman moaning low in the back of her throat; it came slowly but urgently, rubbing the hydrangea bushes against the vinyl siding of the houses; it came carrying the scent of wood smoke and asphalt, and then a note of chlorine from the pool on the next block, and finally cinnamon and talcum powder. That was when he knew he was no longer dreaming.

8. I don't remember anything before two weeks ago. Nothing specific, at any rate. I know what trees are; clouds, and buildings, streets and cars. And I know that what I see around me is wrong. I just wish I knew why.

9. Bruno leaned against a bookcase to watch in case anything exciting happened. Nothing did. "Leave the pixie alone," he said, speaking with the incontrovertible authority of a two-years-older brother. "The cat will get it. Anyhow, it's tea-time."

10. Less Bread! More Taxes! --and then all the people cheered again, and one man, who was more excited than the rest flung his hat high into the air, and shouted (as well as I could make out) "Who roar for the Sub-Warden?"

11. Some nights I pick rags from the vacant lots where rats consume the souls of men and converse with stolen voices; some nights I swim against a tangerine current that whispers to me the pleasures of lassitude. Some nights I live through the eyes of another, and some nights I am not at all.

12. When Bruno Dutton-Gillett stepped into the library, the first thing he saw were the tips of his sister's shoes. The rest of her disappeared under a massive chaise lounge of antediluvian pedigree. Her feet drummed the Oriental rug as she wriggled beneath the embroidered monstrosity.

I've really made a muddle of this round. When I was mixing up the paragraphs I accidentally split up some of the entries. I don't think I can fix it now.

But to make up for it, I'm offering a bonus! Send me your guesses of who really wrote all the fake openings and I'll give you a half point for each one you get right!

The entrants are Llefser, insp, Stan Cold and CCC

Looks like somebody is making sure that nobody else scores points this round, allowing that somebody the chance to play catch up.

1 - CCC:. I first met Bruno in the back garden - over there, just next to the fountain. He was seated on a dead mouse, frowning slightly, and looking into the distance.

2- SC: "This is such an intriguing place, but where the Hell is my shoe!"

3 & 4: LLEF One thing was quite certain: that neither of the two enormous children now quarreling in his drawing-room were known to Mr. Perdiem. "We mustn't keep him waiting, dear brother!" exclaimed the girl. "I fear that his patience is growing short, and if it grows much shorter, why he might disappear entirely!"

"Nonsense," replied the boy contemptuously, "for while his patience grows ever the shorter, his ire necessarily grows larger, and thus his temper is neither diminished nor increased."

5. - D: to wound the autumnal city. So howled out for the world to give him a name. The in-dark answered with wind.

6.- SC: The Hedgehog palooped along the lonely sidewalk.

7. -INSP: The wind came out of the West, keening like a woman moaning low in the back of her throat; it came slowly but urgently, rubbing the hydrangea bushes against the vinyl siding of the houses; it came carrying the scent of wood smoke and asphalt, and then a note of chlorine from the pool on the next block, and finally cinnamon and talcum powder. That was when he knew he was no longer dreaming.

8. -CCC: I don't remember anything before two weeks ago. Nothing specific, at any rate. I know what trees are; clouds, and buildings, streets and cars. And I know that what I see around me is wrong. I just wish I knew why.

10. - S & B: Less Bread! More Taxes! --and then all the people cheered again, and one man, who was more excited than the rest flung his hat high into the air, and shouted (as well as I could make out) "Who roar for the Sub-Warden?"

11. - LLEF: Some nights I pick rags from the vacant lots where rats consume the souls of men and converse with stolen voices; some nights I swim against a tangerine current that whispers to me the pleasures of lassitude. Some nights I live through the eyes of another, and some nights I am not at all.

12 & 9 - INSP: When Bruno Dutton-Gillett stepped into the library, the first thing he saw were the tips of his sister's shoes. The rest of her disappeared under a massive chaise lounge of antediluvian pedigree. Her feet drummed the Oriental rug as she wriggled beneath the embroidered monstrosity.

Bruno leaned against a bookcase to watch in case anything exciting happened. Nothing did. "Leave the pixie alone," he said, speaking with the incontrovertible authority of a two-years-older brother. "The cat will get it. Anyhow, it's tea-time."


EDIT: Sorry, Llef and SC are actually tied --missed a half point for Llef

LLef is tied for first with six & a half points for getting both books & guessing both of both CCC and Insp's entries and one of Stan Cold's. Oddly, however, he thought half of Insp's entry went along with the real S&B entry.

Stan is tied for first with 6.5 points for getting both books right, correctly guessing CCC for 1 and fooling Insp and CCC into picking his Sylvia and Bruno entry.

Insp is next for getting Dhalgren, and guessing one of Llefsers's, and also fooling CCC on Dhalgren.

CCC gets 2 points for guessing SC's correctly plus guessing his own accurately. Then he gets fined 2 points trying to game the system. Then he gets a bonus point for chutzpah. Finally one more bonus point for writing an opening for S&B that closely duplicates an actual scene from the book, despite apparently not having read it. Then a no-point commendation for having mistaken one of the the books for the other! Leaving him with a grand total of --2 points!

Thanks for playing! Given that he also won the last round AND in this round not only guessed both books, but also correctly identified 5 out of the 6 entries of his competitors,LLEFSER clearly deserves to be punished by being NEXT DASHER!

Actually, CCC is next! Do it however you like, CCC -- one book or two, extra points for guessing whose is whose or no extra points.

Order of dashers: Kitoba, CCC, Stan Cold, Llefser

Standings after Round 2:
Llefser: 9.5
Stan Cold: 8.5
CCC: 4
Insp: 3.5
Kitoba: 0

It was a stark and dormy night when inspiration wrote this PM to kitoba.

Alright, let's do this CCC.