(a slightly exagerated true story as it originally appears on my livejournal)
Day 1:
Before dawn even broke, my sleep was disturbed by the repeated broadcast of a tone. A tone that was designed to drive a person mad if exposed to it for more time than it takes to raise ones head to inspect the time to decide whether or not pressing the snooze-button is a good idea. This day, like many before it is no different from most at 5:45 am. And like most days, the snooze-button gets hit four or five times before I give up the fight to get just a little more sleep.
This morning was different in one aspect however, and it sets the tone for what I know will be the norm for the next three months. It was much colder on the other side of the blanket.
Begrudgingly, I toss the blankets aside. The cooler temperature attacks my flesh with a vengeance. I have to keep the urge to wrap myself in the comfort of the warm blankets at bay. I must get to the shower… the hot, soothing cascade of water where I can loose myself in my thoughts, refresh my soul with scents designed to replenish and revive my senses to the complete state of awareness.
I reach my hand in the shower stall, grab the faucet knob and raise it to the precise location that will be the perfect setting for me when I step in. Not hot enough to sear my flesh but just below that temperature. Then, I set my sights on restoring my teeth to the former days glory with a little cool water and some sparkly paste.
At last, I am finally ready to begin my daily reawakening. I peel the plastic curtain back to take my days first step into bliss when I notice something is wrong. There is no steam! There is nothing but water pouring out, hitting the shower stall floor. It makes the same sound it always makes, but this time it sounds as if it’s mocking me. It’s hissing at me in a most evil way saying “No sir, nothing for you today. You will get no such pleasure.”
Crushed and confused, I make sure that the knob is in the correct position for optimum heat… it is. But NO… I am NOT resigned to my fate just yet! I try the sink just outside the shower stall. I turn on the hot water full blast.
Nothing.
I wait. Still…
… nothing but the cold, crisp, clear water that we all need. But it’s not good enough. I want… no, I NEED that hot, steaming water for my day to even begin! How can the sun arise if I don’t have my hot water? How can the moon orbit, how can reality itself keep all that we know to be as it is?
Miraculously, the earth was not destroyed this day. I went about my task of getting in line to get on the interstate. I made sure to change lanes when the one I was in wasn’t going as fast as the one next to me. I went to work, made some changes to things that didn’t really need changing, ordered things that weren’t really necessary and then, I did one thing that could save life, as we know it. I made a call. I called my landlord to inform them that somehow, disaster was avoided but could we be this lucky more than once? This issue needed to be addressed immediately if not sooner! All I was able to do was leave a message. It wasn’t quite as dire as I needed it to sound.
I hung up… and hoped they would get the message and fully understand what peril we were all in. All that day I wondered. Did they get the message? Perhaps they weren’t even home! What if they are out of town? What THEN?
Much later that day I arrived home. Once I got in the door I slowly peered around the bathroom door at my shower stall. It was still there, looking much the way it does on any other day. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I took one step into the bathroom, then another until I stood there peering into the stall at the faucet. Gently I placed my hand upon it, grasped it and pulled it into the position for the hottest water possible… and waited.
Slowly, I could hear it. Quietly at first but getting progressively louder as the moments slipped away. It was that hissing again. That mocking sound that denied me the heat hours ago. It was even louder this time. It knew that the next morning would be soon. Another chance to rip the world to shreds was only hours away.
I had one last chance. I had my landlord’s cell phone number somewhere. I quickly ran to my desk shuffling the stacks of bills, notices and scrap paper around looking for that nine-digit number to our salvation! I was loosing all hope when finally, I came across a little piece of foil paper that comes out of a new pack of cigarettes. - I turned it over and saw, scribbled in my not-so-fine handwriting ‘LANDLORD’ followed by the nine numbers that could save us all.
Quickly, I dialed the number. It rang once, then twice… it rang a third time and now I was getting scared. The fourth ring was followed by… a fifth ring when suddenly I hear a slight click and “Hello?”
FINALLY!
“Hello Steve, It’s Joe from Apartment A. I believe the water heater is on the fritz.” I say with a barely controlled coolness to my voice.
“Really?” he replied. “My wife said you called earlier about it. I didn’t think anything of it as you were the only tenant I’ve heard from. Is it possible that you were the last one to get to the shower today?”
“Impossible. I was the first.” was my immediate response.
He pauses. “Ok, I’ll come take a look at it.”
A couple hours go by as my pacing wears a slightly depressed path into the floor before I get another call. I could tell it was my landlord calling. The ring-tone plays the Muppet Show theme song when he calls.
“Joe, I’ve replaced the heating element. That should do it. If for any reason you don’t have any hot water tomorrow morning just give me a call. I can’t replace the unit until then.”
… if for any reason I don’t have hot water in the morning?
He goes on to say “It should take a couple hours to heat up. Try it again later.”
“Ok. Thanks Steve.” It was all I could say. My mind was numb. If for any reason I don’t have hot water in the morning…?!? Has he gone MAD?
I did as he instructed. I waited the prescribed ‘couple of hours’ and then tried the hot water. Once again I find there to be nothing there but the crisp, frigid water like before.
Reluctantly… I went to bed, fearing, no… dreading the inevitable morning ritual to be marred by such an event that could initiate a catastrophic domino effect on the days events.
Day 2:
This day began exactly as the one before, almost to a tee except for one fact. The bed-head was unmistakable. My hair was not passable as a possible bad hair-day… it was ridiculous. Now I must resort to … wearing a hat. I loathe wearing a hat unless absolutely necessary. They itch and make the hair situation worse that ever.
So, I accepted the inevitable. Today would be the day of reckoning. That day that mankind has feared from the very beginning. Oh well. I will do what I normally do when the world is coming to an abrupt end. I pretend it isn’t going to happen at all and go about my business.
He called me again this morning. The landlord.
“Well?”
“No.”
“Really? Damn. Ok, I will get a new unit in today. The other tenants have called to inform me.”
“…Ok. Thanks.”
So, should the world end today you know why. I’m sorry. Really I am. I tried to save you all but I was just… not… good enough. I will see you all on the other side, where warm water is not just a simple thing, it’s everything. Peace be to you and yours.
|