Kea, I find that equally annoying.

I'm the primary breadwinner in my family, and while it is a major responsibility (losing my job means we can't pay most of our bills), it's not something to complain about. I'm not the only one of my friends in this position, either. My FDA friend has been putting her husband through college for years now, and he's still looking for work in his field -- and she'll probably still make more than him in the long run.

So yeah, when I read articles online about the "new normal" stressing women out, I'm annoyed. It tells me that there's still a streak in our culture that pushes the thought that men are required to be the "providers" in a relationship, rather than men and women should work together to create a happy relationship no matter what one's career may be.

Perhaps one of the things that annoys me the most about "feminism" (I use quotes because I know it's not the real thing) is the insistence of "equality" economically without the corresponding equality socially - ie, men are still expected to be the initiators of relationships and be the ones taking all the emotional risks in social interactions.

Yeah, that's pretty much cowardice hiding behind social norms. I mean, if you (a general you of any sex) do not like making the first move in relationships, then all right, but don't say that it's because of your gender and don't be surprised if as a result, you don't get a date.

I thought this was relevant to the conversation, because it's exactly what annoys me.

This woman seems to be around my age. Her husband was having panic attacks after getting a 4 year degree and having no luck finding degree work while she slipped into her career with little fuss. That is exactly my current situation.

However, in the article the husband is indeed knocked down by the idea that he needs to be a provider. And that makes me so sad. This newly married couple, around my age (maybe a little younger), is still stuck in the idea he should be bringing in more money.

Then again, the writer may have been taking liberties with her situation. Perhaps the story is closer to that of my husband, who simply feels unfulfilled where he is, and helpless to change things at the moment. That's a pretty serious issue, and it has nothing to do with the "man's duty" to make more cash.

Keep an eye out for the next week or so, because it looks like Slate will be running a number of essays about women as primary earners. I'd like to hope that at least one of the essays chosen will have a person more like me, who is primary earner and that's okay.

If i understood the article correctly, the panic attacks have stopped once he got to 2/3rd of his wifes income, in a more prestigous job. So it seems to me, that the husbands problem primarily was being of a lower class then he felt he should, and i would not say that the income or class of his wife neccessarily played much role even as comparison.