Forum    Search    FAQ

Board index » Chat Forums » Political Opinions and Opinionated Posts




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 46 posts ] 
 
Author Message
 Post subject: Rants
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:01 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:47 am
Posts: 817
ICQ: 380663878
WLM: jae33@cisunix.unh.edu
Yahoo Messenger: lord_iames_osari
AOL: LordIames
Location: Virtual Reality
This thread is to hold the rants that I have to write for my English class (and comments from anyone who wants to make them). Since they are by their nature going to be opinionated and sometimes political, I thought I should make this topic here.

Disclaimer: These are rants, not intended to represent reasonable and well-thought-out policy proposals (where applicable).

Top 
   
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:18 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:47 am
Posts: 817
ICQ: 380663878
WLM: jae33@cisunix.unh.edu
Yahoo Messenger: lord_iames_osari
AOL: LordIames
Location: Virtual Reality
Defective Fortune Cookies

What is it with fortune cookies these days? They never have real fortunes in them anymore. For example, today I got one that said "Here we go. Low fat, whole wheat green tea." Then you have your platitude and advice fortune cookies, which offer platitudes and advice, like "The key to happiness is in yourself" and "Save up your money to get yourself that thing you want."

Excuse me? I expect a vaguely-worded prediction - a fortune - to be in my fortune cookie, not random jabs at the health-food industry, tired cliches, or vapidly generic advice.

I mean, what good is a fortune cookie if you can't make it into an off-color joke by tacking "... in bed!" onto the end? No good at all, that's what. And "Here we go. Low fat, whole wheat green tea... in bed!" just doesn't cut it. I demand higher standards from the manufacturers of fortune cookie fortunes.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:34 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2004 12:00 am
Posts: 6831
Website: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=122705047
WLM: marauder_pilot@hotmail.com
AOL: marauderpilot
Location: Doing strange things under the midnight sun
I demand to get a fortune cookie that says 'That wasn't chicken.'

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:55 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2003 12:00 am
Posts: 2236
WLM: suryel@hotmail.com
Location: Castle of the Squasher of Lobsters
I give that rant a 6/10. It's somewhat indignant, but it's pretty short, and could easily be much more indignant. Show us how angry you are, throw some extra adjectives in... and at this length I expect it to end with "and that's another thing" and launch into something else.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:29 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:57 pm
Posts: 1932
AOL: x86EliGottlieb
Location: Kan Noladti, mofo
Marauder_Pilot wrote:
I demand to get a fortune cookie that says 'That wasn't chicken.'

I demand to get a fortune cookie that says, "Your pork was turkey." Kashrut sucks when it comes to Chinese food.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:37 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:47 am
Posts: 817
ICQ: 380663878
WLM: jae33@cisunix.unh.edu
Yahoo Messenger: lord_iames_osari
AOL: LordIames
Location: Virtual Reality
WCH wrote:
I give that rant a 6/10. It's somewhat indignant, but it's pretty short, and could easily be much more indignant. Show us how angry you are, throw some extra adjectives in... and at this length I expect it to end with "and that's another thing" and launch into something else.
Yeah, somehow I have trouble mustering up truly rantish levels of anger and indignation on command.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:54 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2003 12:00 am
Posts: 2236
WLM: suryel@hotmail.com
Location: Castle of the Squasher of Lobsters
Try getting drunk first, that usually helps... once you start going it's easy to get carried away, which is precisely what you want for an entertaining rant. Just be sure to proof read it once sober.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:42 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2005 3:08 am
Posts: 599
WLM: homer_sapien@msn.com
Crazed123 wrote:
Marauder_Pilot wrote:
I demand to get a fortune cookie that says 'That wasn't chicken.'

I demand to get a fortune cookie that says, "Your pork was turkey." Kashrut sucks when it comes to Chinese food.


I want "Your Vegetarian entree wasn't vegetarian".

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:09 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Tue May 21, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 12055
Location: The things, they hurt
And another thing! Why do they even have fortune cookies in Chinese restaurants? They're from Japan! I have had it up to here with Americans who can't tell the difference between China and Japan! Is Miss South Carolina right? Do you not have maps there? Honestly! I am Umbraged. Umbraged, I tell you!

Top 
   
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:07 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Fri Nov 29, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 5189
Website: http://www.insidethekraken.com/
AOL: Astaereth
Location: Rereading 20+ years of nifty darn comics!
Taurus II wrote:
For example, today I got one that said "Here we go. Low fat, whole wheat green tea." Then you have your platitude and advice fortune cookies, which offer platitudes and advice, like "The key to happiness is in yourself" and "Save up your money to get yourself that thing you want."

I mean, what good is a fortune cookie if you can't make it into an off-color joke by tacking "... in bed!" onto the end? No good at all, that's what.


I have no idea what "Here we go. Low fat, whole wheat green tea," is supposed to mean.

I would like to point out that the generic advice ones are excellent for adding "...in bed!".

"The key to happiness is in yourself... in bed."
"Save up your money to get yourself that thing you want... in bed."

And, yeah, this is more like Seinfeldian observation than real ranting.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:06 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 1725
If you stuck the phrase, "you know what really grinds my gears," at the beginning, you'd have the joke for an episode of Family Guy. Yes, the joke, not a joke, because they take one joke and BEAT IT TO DEATH. And that's what really grinds my gears.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:26 am 
Offline
Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 11:28 am
Posts: 272
Kea wrote:
And another thing! Why do they even have fortune cookies in Chinese restaurants? They're from Japan! I have had it up to here with Americans who can't tell the difference between China and Japan! Is Miss South Carolina right? Do you not have maps there? Honestly! I am Umbraged. Umbraged, I tell you!


Thats interesting, I've never actually gotten a fortune cookie from a Japanese restaurant. I had just assumed that it was a Chinese Immigrant thing. Then again most the Chinese restaurants around here do sushi so go figure.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 9:20 am 
Evil Game Minister of DOOM!
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 12:00 am
Posts: 16202
ICQ: 6954605
Website: http://krellen.net
Yahoo Messenger: shinarimaia
AOL: TamirDM
Location: The City in New Mexico
Fortune cookies are, actually, quite American.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 9:57 am 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Tue May 21, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 12055
Location: The things, they hurt
Fortune cookies in their present form are American. In China, they are marketed as "American fortune cookies". But according to recent research, the predecessor of the fortune cookie - a larger, thicker, savory miso cookie - is originally from Japan. They wormed their way into American Chinese cuisine because a lot of Japanese immigrants used to run Chinese restaurants, raw fish and pickles not being very marketable in the 1930s. When Japanese people were rounded up and stuffed in internment camps during World War II, Chinese people took over the restaurants, including the fortune cookies.

Top 
   
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:16 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2003 12:00 am
Posts: 800
ICQ: 49259048
Website: http://www.lonelyahava.com
WLM: ahava1999@hotmail.com
Yahoo Messenger: lonelyahava@yahoo.com
AOL: Ahava+Ramier
Location: The Great White Maine
and you learn something new every day. Yay! Go Kea.

Top 
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 46 posts ] 

Board index » Chat Forums » Political Opinions and Opinionated Posts


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to: