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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:00 am 
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Steave wrote:
Do you have a device for listening to podcasts?

I've been using the coffee break French to learn French. They also have coffee break Spanish.

http://radiolingua.com/shows/spanish/co ... k-spanish/

Fifteen minute lessons. Perfect for a coffee break or in my case the drive to work.


Thanks! Will check it out during my commute!

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:10 am 
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It is my experience, that there are some people, around whom groups form and there are other, where there is no such effect. The groups usually persist as long as they are around, though individual members come and go, but tend to fall apart once the group former leaves the group. The exact reasons, why it happens with some and not with others are not something i am really sure about.

So the trick would be to find a group former, whith whom you share enough interests, and then attach yourself there. That's where the "join a club" advise comes from, because if a group former is in the same club, you also find a group. It might happen, that it takes a while until a group former joins the same club, so the club activity would need to be something that you don't consider a waste of time, if it does not lead to social contacts. It also helps, if the club activity involves interaction between the members.

From what you describe about your timetable, how about switching your sports activities from the gym (which if i understand it correctly is mostly you training on your own) to some sort of sport that requires interaction, such as martial arts or ball games or similiar? If you have no particular reason, why gym training is better for you, you don't loose anything by such a switch, but gain a chance find a group former eventually.

An other thing, where the descriptions in the thread do not give me a clear enough picture, so it is a shot into the dark. Could it be, that you concentrate too much on the differences in interests you have with people you meet and too little on common ground you have? Your stories sound like there is a "i'm not going to fraternize with that sort of people, no matter what redeeming qualities they have" involved, but it's not clear, if it is you who is doing it, or the people you meet.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:13 am 
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I can say nothing of the work sitch, but on the social scene, I believe that:

1.) You have given yourself barely any time to integrate into the city. I've been moving around my whole life, and a little less than a year is, in my experience, a rather short time to find a social network in an area that typically doesn't swing your way. You've given up before you've even really gotten a sense of the city and the people within it - a year gives you an idea, but it doesn't show you what's beneath the surface.

2.) You're not looking hard enough for the interesting stuff. You said you tried meetup, but maaaan, I go there and there's a culture group, a wine tasting group, a group that eats Indian food and watches Bollywood movies, photography and book clubs (one of which uses an Ursula K LeGuin book as their cover), all sorts of language clubs of various languages, a lit and theatre club, an art and foodie club, and a stupid amount of yoga/meditation/water sports clubs. Sounds pretty cultured to me.

And meetup isn't the only way to meet people. On Google I see art classes, cooking classes, music classes, fencing classes, writing workshops, paper rpg groups, LAN groups.

As Kea said earlier, perhaps you're just venting, so you want no actual ideas. But dude, you're in a major metropolis and you're calling it a cultural wasteland. If I can find an art scene and a social network in Wichita KS, moving there blind with no idea where to find anything, I think with a little effort you can find something in Miami.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:36 pm 
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I can see what you mean about not being specific. There are only a few labs that diseased.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 12:12 am 
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weatherwax wrote:
1.) You have given yourself barely any time to integrate into the city. I've been moving around my whole life, and a little less than a year is, in my experience, a rather short time to find a social network in an area that typically doesn't swing your way. You've given up before you've even really gotten a sense of the city and the people within it - a year gives you an idea, but it doesn't show you what's beneath the surface.


I've lived literally everywhere. Boston, DC, Houston, Chicago, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Cincinnati, San Jose, San Diego, Paris, London, and Johannesburg.

Miami is the first place I've had issues meeting people. I've lived some places less than 9 months, and always had a good set of friends.

I've met people in Miami, just only people who have robbed me, tried to scam me, or were otherwise folks I never wanted to see again. There is one guy in my division who has similar interests, I asked him how he settled in to Miami. He told me you don't, you just give up one day and resign yourself to zero social contact.

Quote:
2.) You're not looking hard enough for the interesting stuff. You said you tried meetup, but maaaan, I go there and there's a culture group, a wine tasting group, a group that eats Indian food and watches Bollywood movies, photography and book clubs (one of which uses an Ursula K LeGuin book as their cover), all sorts of language clubs of various languages, a lit and theatre club, an art and foodie club, and a stupid amount of yoga/meditation/water sports clubs. Sounds pretty cultured to me.


Last one I went to on there in Miami got me robbed. Not again.

Quote:
And meetup isn't the only way to meet people. On Google I see art classes, cooking classes, music classes, fencing classes, writing workshops, paper rpg groups, LAN groups.


Might try this when I get back after the summer.

Quote:
As Kea said earlier, perhaps you're just venting, so you want no actual ideas. But dude, you're in a major metropolis and you're calling it a cultural wasteland. If I can find an art scene and a social network in Wichita KS, moving there blind with no idea where to find anything, I think with a little effort you can find something in Miami.


That's what I thought. But hell, I'd rather be in Wichita.

The issue is, people here are too busy doing drugs, getting drunk, and glob strangers to form a community. I think it's the vacation town mentality.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 12:12 am 
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drachefly wrote:
I can see what you mean about not being specific. There are only a few labs that diseased.


Tell me about it. I'm still shocked.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 2:06 am 
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I have also lived a number of places. Some much smaller than the places you've mentioned, and much more cliquey. In places where it's difficult to find your crew, 9 months is a super short time to make anything more than work aquaintances. And this statement:

Quote:
The issue is, people here are too busy doing drugs, getting drunk, and glob strangers to form a community. I think it's the vacation town mentality.


makes me roll my eyes. That's like me saying that my current locale is a wasteland because it's nothing but churches, HOAs and small-minded folk. Of course that's not the whole story of the city. You haven't met anyone who has made you feel communal in Miami, and therefore you've condemned them of not having a community. You're a newb. Stop judging the town and either get out or dig deeper.

And a big reason I'm being blunt is because I work with a girl who was born and raised in Miami, and she's arty and sporty. Throwing pots and stuff. Talking about how much she misses the sea, and her friends, and her town. She drinks, but she's not a hard partier. I can't imagine that she came from a place that was merely all doing drugs, getting drunk and screwing strangers. Her people are around there somewhere, waiting to be found.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 3:27 am 
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In fairness, a large tourist city likely does have a huge number of people interested in partying, and it probably is more difficult to find people who aren't into that stuff. And sometimes, classified websites get gunked up with dubious scammers - I found Craigslist Boston was OK, but Craigslist London was super skeevy (real Londoners seemed to use Gumtree). But well, if you're gonna be stuck there for a while, what choice have you got except to keep trying? It's that, or sit at home and be pissed off.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 9:42 am 
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As much as --after a decade of hearing my beloved hometown compared unfavorably to Miami --I'd like to believe the description of Miami as a irredeemable waste, I can't believe there's any place anywhere that doesn't have worthwhile people.

It may be, due to your unfortunate current circumstances, that there's no viable way for you to enjoy Miami, but that's not really the city's fault. Perhaps your disappointment over your work situation has colored your relationship with the city as a whole.

I'm a Christian, but I'm also an existentialist, so I believe we make our own destinies. You might be playing a bad hand right now, but it also sounds like you've just decided to give up and be miserable.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 9:59 am 
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Well, there went your being ambiguous. Miami?

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 4:40 pm 
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drachefly wrote:
Well, there went your being ambiguous. Miami?


He has given away Miami in a previous thread already.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Wed May 08, 2013 1:15 am 
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Quote:
But well, if you're gonna be stuck there for a while, what choice have you got except to keep trying? It's that, or sit at home and be pissed off.


What I've kind of settled on is just focusing on work and building my resume more.

Quote:
As much as --after a decade of hearing my beloved hometown compared unfavorably to Miami --I'd like to believe the description of Miami as a irredeemable waste, I can't believe there's any place anywhere that doesn't have worthwhile people.


I'm sure there are good people here, I've just not met them, and it's gotten exhausting trying to find them and striking out, and occasionally doing worse than just striking out.

Quote:
Well, there went your being ambiguous. Miami?


Still vague enough you can't nail down who I am. Several plausible places for me.

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 Post subject: Re: I hate my life
 Post Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:02 am 
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My social life has vastly improved through meetup.com.

Plus I found this class which explains the little social conventions that most people learn naturally but you and I didn't.

Anyway the point is a couple years ago I hated my job and had no social life, and now I have a good job and a mediocre but improving social life. Never give up.

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