Can you ever tell a friend that you are interested in them romantically and NOT wreck the friendship if they don't feel the same way about you?

I say only if you have the emotional ability to put aside your romantic feelings and only be friends if they say no.

Sure it's possible, but I would say improbable. Also you might not wreck it, but definitely contort it. My experience is that any time I have seen it happen or have been directly involved the person that does not return the same level of affection gets weirded out and suspicious about every thing the person with the stronger emotions does.

When it's male toward female, that fits.

The other way around seems safer.

In either case, it'd help to be clear that it's just interest, not attachment.

Not to be all gasp-clutch-pearls-cry-heteronormativism, but there are additional permutations to consider.

Been there, done that, it works. I just wish i had a little less experience in it.

The first times you meet the friend again, or the first couple of weeks are a bit awkward for both of you, but if there is some substance to your friendship, other then the romantic attraction, you will get through it. If it's just based on romantic attraction, if you give up on romance, the friendship is likely doomed anyway.

I know, but I haven't got a clue about those!

Oh, I should ask: is this person worth risking taking the plunge and getting rejected? And ARE you at an emotional place where you can see them as just friends if they turn you down? And, finally, do they seem to be the type of person who wouldn't get all weird if you ask and they say no?

I have three very good friends who all know I'd jump them in a heartbeat. Two are straight males and one is female in a monogamous marriage. I've kissed all three and shared an experience* with one. They are still three of my closest friends.

I will be the first to admit that my experience of life is hardly keeping with a standard though.

*This was an experience we both shared with a third person though not directly each other.

Well, both friends in this scenario are married bisexual polyamorous cis women, so ... *laughs* no such thing as normal!

Given that, I think it'll work out OK. The interested party can most likely get away with displaying some of said interest.

It's the polyamorous part of the equation that I think gives it a tick though the bi part does add weight. In a polyamorous relationship there is a general acceptance of a sliding scale of personal and sexual connection and this is the factor that allows for imbalanced* relationships to work.

*when one persons wants something the other is not prepared to give.

Heh, this exact same issue has now cropped up in my friends circle with a bisexual polyamorous married cis woman secretly pining after a gay monogamous in-the-process-of-divorce-from-an-abusive-husband cis woman. That kind of makes the last situation look terrifically simple.

This whole thread reminds me how awesome it is to be living in the future, where love can be as complex as it wants to be with less stigma than ever before.

I find it strange when my transgender, polyamorous, bisexual, Anglican church presided, atheist marriage with an international cameo lover can seem uncomplicated when compared my friends with more 'traditional' views.