As many of you may already know, I am a generally joky persone here on the boards. You may also know that I am a modern orthodox Jew. In the past two year, four modern orthodox high school students, either in NYC or close by, have died. There is another kid. Who has had lukemia for a while and is not faring so well.

Some people consider me inhuman because I don't show a lot of emotion This is true. I am rather stoic when it comes to showing sadness or fear etc. This is nt because I feel no emotion, but because I generally accept the bad things that happen in stride. I used to think that I would not cry at my parents funeral. Not because I don't love them or would not miss them, but because I would realize that this is how life is and people must die eventually.

Last night was a very sobering night. The fourth kid to die was in my school. He was in my grade. I didn't know him personally because he was in a special need program for kids with A.D.D. and such. However, I did know some of his friends. Some of the jolliest, friendliest people you could know. Some not even so jolly, but none of them ever looked as if anything could get them down. I abhorr drinking, but I know they needed a couple of stiff ones.

I don't really even know what my intention for this thread was. Maybe it's to get advice. Maybe for support. I don't know. I think I just need someone to say "Wow, that sucks."

He died in a coma, with lukemia on saturday september 24th.

Wow, that sucks.

I wouldn't feel too bad about not overtly emoting when any other modern jew in high school dies. If you show overt emotional displays every time somebody dies tragically, crying will be your full time job.

It is best to accept bad things happen to you and save your emotion when it's people with personal relevance to you.

Frankly its natural to feel numb from a thing like this, death is shocking and often you don't like to think about it. After all its not too common in high school. If you do know those who were friends with him, don't avoid them because you think they need time alone. Just talk to them, because it'll help you as much as it does them.

I normally do. That is one of the things that has me feeling so strange is that this is a very uncharacteristic trait. I was not badly affected from the other three deaths. I think the change stems from seeing those friends so visibly upset



Believe me, I tried. However, when I did they told me to go away, and I am in no position to go against such a request.

I'm sorry this has been difficult for you. Like others have said, I think it sounds perfectly reasonable that you would be more affected by this recent death than by the others, because it directly affected people you care about.

Everyone copes differently, too. Some people don't cry at funerals, but it doesn't mean they don't care - they might grieve in a different way.

Now that you've done your best to console your friends, I suppose the only thing you can do is give your friends time and maybe just try to look out for them as best you can from a distance. Hopefully it will comfort them just to know that someone's there and that you offered to help, even if they don't necessarily want to talk about it right now.