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 Post subject: Hello from Spain
 Post Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 1:47 pm 
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Hi, I'm JD from Spain, discovered sluggy a year ago, binged on it, and it nearly ruined my life! But I'm good now, thank you for asking.

There's one thing I want to say, and it is [SPEC REDACTED]!

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 Post subject: Re: Hello from Spain
 Post Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 7:18 pm 
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Location: Someplace other than where I am.
Bienvenido al foro jd!
(which probably makes no sense)

Yes, binging Sluggy is a very dangerous endeavor indeed. And no, you are not "I'm good now". Consuming that high of a dosage of Sluggy, means you will never be the same...

Anyway [member's name here], now I will tell you about the strange tradition aimed at newcomers.

At one time there were Pesterers who pestered you for poetry, but that tends to be very rare nowadays. Even though you may not be pestered, if you do go and post an original poem --usually haiku but any (clean) type is accepted-- written by you, you will most likely receive a gift in return. The "gift" will most likely be useless or maim you. Whichever it may be, it should be interesting and surprising. Lastly, this strange tradition applies to the pestering not the poetry. You are not required to do anything more to be a member here...unless you want to possibly get a [name of harmlessly fatal item here] or some other type of gift.

Now go forth and do (almost) whatever you want, just don't speculate in Reactions.

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 Post subject: Re: Hello from Spain
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:58 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 1:32 pm
Posts: 3
Plain English is easy enough,
but if good rhymes you wanna do,
pronunciation rules you have to know,
that will drive you to madness, bro.
If a native speaker you are not,
to cheap tricks you will have to resort,
grammar you will squeeze and contort,
and meter and stress no respect will have got.
Your poetry will feel cheesy;
even if you think it is pretty,
other people will find it sketchy,
farcical, atrocious and weedy.
It will be best if I finish it right now,
before I am sentenced to death by cow.

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 Post subject: Re: Hello from Spain
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 8:40 pm 
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Location: Someplace other than where I am.
Well, that was a bit more than we usually get. It's usually more along the lines of:

Here's some poetry
Sluggy is nifty and great
This is a haiku

So I guess I should go and find a most wonderful gift for you then. Please wait over by that chair. Just be sure to NOT to sit in the chair. You would not like the consequences at all. Anyway, I'll go and look in Dimensional Storage for something.

...

Alright, I'm back... Okay, first, step away from the chair. Slowly... Now, second, I found you a gift. It is...

A Never-Wet-Towelâ„¢!

Just as its cryptic name suggests, it is always dry. Any moisture you use it with will instantly disappear. As an added bonus, it never has to be cleaned. Never smells or gets dirty no matter what it is used on.

Now this is a very rare item (and banned within 12 light years of many systems), so be sure to cherish it. It is no longer being made since the company that made it went out of business. Well actually the entire planet it was made at is "out of business" as well. For some mysterious reason all the oceans dried up.

Anyway, enjoy!

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